wonk

(finished a pic that i started yesterday) 
okay so adobe products finally work on my school laptop..... its good but uhm as soon as i can finally get my classwork done, the instructions cant be displayed.................. i have to do things for indesign but i cant without my instructions! this will be two, maybe three days late and im really scared
in one of my classes for excel im studying and studying and doing things over and over but i still get below an 85% because i clicked by accident (if you click by accident ANYWHERE on the quiz/ test besides where youre supposed to, you are wrong and it counts against you :^|)
i feel stranded i want to start commissions and all i neeed to, im just afraid itll turn out bad because of my worrying, so for now i am going to try to do as much as i can while i can..... i dont want any c's and i am super scared that i am going to get yelled at    im doing worse in things than i thought i would  but a lot of these are not in my control because most of the time its all on the computer and not paper so if something goes wrong for only one person and not everyone then    idk 
im getting enough sleep and eating and studying and constantly checking my work and grades but something is always off i am stranded
i end up second guessing myself on tests and doing badly because of it (my first answer is nearly always the right one but ofc i dont know that or i change it)
all of my hw and classwork is not just busy work its important and i cant miss any of it at all 
heck, i actually look forward to doing a lot of my homework! 
im having a hard time focusing on anything my mind is racing but im not going to let myself fail i think i will go to tutoring, and ask my teachers many questions so i can get this sorted out.... but if you have advice i am all earssssss 
i know there are grownups who are very happy to help but i am scared to stay after school because i wont be able to finish by other homework by 9:30
i know im a "big girl" and i should be able to take care of myself and know when things are to be done because i have no excuse to not know but i just cant remember even while writing it down and its becoming really dumb because the instructions arent hard. i dont know why things just slip; i focus as much as i can and next thing i know im in this situation 
i know when to put things down and do my homework, so this doesnt happen but it might seem like im being lazy or distracted by personal stuff (like computer) cause thats just the easiest thing someone could say but thats not it at all im distracted by the fact that i might fail (im not close to failing im just scared)
i dont want to be yelled at by a teacher i just want help (but i will never know how they will react to me if i never ask or say anything so i am going to make myself ask) 
gasp gasp gasp this is only 9th grade.... how do you guys do it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
scream i feel really guilty 
this is a lot 

all in all im really motivated to have all A's and do all of my homework but things arent going as planned.... i wanna try to get a job if i can but i wanna be doing great in school (something that 14 year olds are actually allowed to have cause im not really old enough yet, but i want one)

i might get in a lot of trouble